The Lost Crown

For grown-ups

What this story is about

The crown is gone, the ball is today, and the guard says there is no getting in without it. Your child has every reason to rush past everyone, and every reason to be cross with whoever took it. Instead, your child stops to help on the way and, at the magpie's nest, asks "why?" before shouting "thief!". The story's message is simple enough for the youngest listener: a crown can make you look royal, but being kind to everyone is what makes you royal. Children can practise that every day.

Three ways to talk about it

• Talk about the invisible crown: everyone has one, and it shines every time we are kind. At bedtime, ask what made your child's crown shine today, and share what made yours shine.
• Notice kindness when your child is in a hurry: stopping for a friend while you are late for the park is the hardest kind. Say it out loud: "You stopped to help. That was royal of you."
• When someone takes or breaks something, practise asking "why?" first: "Maybe they had a reason. Let's ask." It is fine to be upset as well, and to ask for the thing back.

Three questions to ask

• The sparkles were fading. Why did the child stop to help Hettie and the little girl?
• Why did Maggie take the crown? What could she have done instead?
• What made your invisible crown shine today?

Practise the tool together: The invisible crown

Tell your child that everyone wears an invisible crown, and it shines a little brighter every time we are kind: helping someone, sharing, saying something nice, asking "Are you all right?". Make a quiet sign for it (both hands placed on top of the head like a crown) and use it to notice kindness without a big fuss. At bedtime, take turns telling each other one thing that made your crown shine today.

If your child often finds it very hard to think about how others feel, or if hitting, grabbing or angry outbursts with other children keep getting in the way of play and friendships, it is worth talking to your paediatrician or a child psychologist.