New Baby Sibling: Helping Your Child Feel Loved

Why is my child acting differently since the baby arrived?

Many children go back to younger behaviour for a while: asking for a bottle, wanting to be carried, having toilet accidents, or using a baby voice. Others become clingy, louder, or cross with you rather than with the baby. These are usually ways of asking, "Am I still important?"

It helps to see this as a normal reaction to a big change rather than as naughtiness. Your child is not trying to make things harder; they are trying to find their place in a family that has just changed shape.

How to talk about jealousy and mixed feelings

Child-development experts often suggest letting children say the hard feelings out loud. "Sometimes you wish the baby would go back" can be a huge relief for a child to hear, because it tells them the feeling is allowed, even though hurting the baby is not.

You might say: "It's hard when I'm feeding the baby and you want me. You can feel cross about that. I still love you just as much." Naming the feeling and holding the limit gently, at the same time, is something you will probably do many times. That is fine.

• Name it: "You feel left out when the baby needs me."
• Allow it: "It's OK to feel that way."
• Hold the limit kindly: "I won't let you push the baby. You can squeeze this cushion instead."

Keep routines steady when everything else changes

Predictable routines tell a child that their world is still safe. As far as you can, keep the familiar parts of the day the same: the same bedtime story, the same breakfast, the same walk to nursery or school.

If big changes are coming, such as a new bedroom or moving from a cot to a bed, many parents find it easier to make them a few weeks before or after the birth, so your child does not feel pushed out to make room for the baby.

Give your older child real big sibling jobs

Children love to feel useful. Small, real jobs, like choosing which socks the baby wears, singing a song when the baby fusses, or fetching a nappy, help your older child feel part of the team rather than pushed to the side.

Keep the jobs small and optional, and always say thank you. Praise the helping, not just the result: "You noticed the baby was sad and sang to her. That was kind." On days when your child does not want to help, that is fine too.

Why daily special time with a parent matters so much

Even a short, protected time with you each day can fill your child's cup. Ten minutes with no baby and no phone, where your child chooses what you do, sends a strong message: you still matter, and I still want to be with you.

Give it a name, like "our time", so it becomes something to look forward to. If there has been a hard moment earlier in the day, special time is also a gentle way to reconnect and repair.